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But I had no mother to come home and explain. Daddy had no choice. He would have to give me THE TALK!Which he did. But I didn't understand ONE FUCKING WORD! Looking back, he probably did a reasonably good job of telling me where babies come from and putting the parts together, albeit pee-pee and cunny. He explained why the pee-pees of boys and men get hard and why the cunny gets wet. I assume that he told me about the male of the species jerking off, however he may have described it, because that's when it got complicated."Tommy, how would you like to do Daddy a really big favor?"Of course, I assured him, and the next thing I knew, his pee-pee was in my mouth. He didn't call it that, though. He referred to it as a cock. His hands were on the back of my head, his fingers running through my silky blonde locks. I remember him telling me that he wasn't going to pee in my mouth but that he would shoot something creamy in there and that I would enjoy swallowing it.He moved his cock in and. . get the picture? At bed-time, I even took a sleeping tablet ... which sort of worked, meaning I slept until five am, then woke with a slight hangover, a nasty metallic taste in my mouth – and dried tears on my cheeks. Friday was more of the same.Saturday, with more hope than expectation, I took the bus out to Fox House, had coffee at Longshaw, hiked down to Padley Gorge, and picnicked in the abandoned millstone quarry. It's a quiet, peaceful, sad little place, grassy now, and I sat there – I suppose the best description was numb – for quite a while. Somehow, though, the atmosphere affected me and some of my disquiet evaporated away. I read a little, and wrote a little, and packed up before I got too chilled.That outing changed something for me. I won't say I was more positive, but I was less focussed on my loss. I was able to regain, at least to some extent, my old routine. The house still felt empty; the piano still mocked me, but I got some writing done. Indeed, I think I wrote.
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